Where I Found Hope

Published on September 26, 2016 by in Success Stories



I was forced into treatment. My family told me I could either go to Narconon or stay in jail, so my choice was easy. I figured I would go to treatment for a month to appease them and then I would be back to my life, whatever that would entail. I was ok with the concept of getting off drugs but I hadn’t even considered changing my life or the person I was. I didn’t see anything wrong with me besides the fact that I was an addict. It made sense to me that I was at yet another rehab.

Initially the only thing I wanted to do was get through the program and spent every day simply trying to get through it so I could be that much closer to leaving. When I found out the program was longer than a month, I was ready to leave.

I wasn’t scared of coming off of the street drugs I had done but I was terrified of coming off of all the psych meds I had been on for the past few years. I was thoroughly convinced I needed something to be normal and my head just didn’t work like everyone else’s. I was certain I wasn’t normal and my head was broken.

When I started sauna (Narconon New Life Detoxification Program) I was not only angry but an emotional mess. I was mad at my mother for sending me to treatment. I still considered I needed medication to be okay, but I got through all of the things that I had been so dependent on, at one time. I was still there and still okay. I had spent so much of my life believing I needed all these things and to see that I was okay without them was an insane thought for me. But it was true, I was really okay. In fact I was better than okay. I was clear. I could think clearly without feeling as though my mind was clouded. That was so exciting.

That was when I gained my first bit of hope in the Narconon program. Then after sauna, I went into objectives and again, just as before, I didn’t really see the point to them but I did them and the results were amazing, I learned so many things about myself during objectives. I was able to face things I never thought possible. I was stronger than I ever knew I was. I was able to do things I didn’t understand without giving up. I was able to face things about myself I didn’t even know where there. I was able to see how much of a selfish person I had been and gained the hope I would be able to overcome that.

Before objectives I never viewed being the person I was, as a problem. But then I could see all the people I had hurt, all the lives I changed and all the damage I left at home. This left me feeling a bit down because I was faced with all the terrible things I had done to the people I love most. Despite this sadness, I pushed through it. That process took me longer than most to get through, but I did get through it and for the first time in a long time, I was proud of myself.

At that point I began to believe the Narconon program was made to change lives. I went into the last portion of the program very excited to mend the things I had broken. I didn’t realize there was still more I would learn about myself. I began to look at the people I had been surrounding myself with and that was a serious realization. With my clarity from sauna and my new understanding of myself as a person, I was able to see how quickly negative people negatively affect your life. But more than that, I was able to see how awesome my mom was and how awful I had treated her.

I had taken her for granted. I wish I could say I did that unknowingly. But I knew exactly what I was doing. I simply didn’t think there was anything wrong with it. But with the understanding I gained about myself, I was ready to change the way I had always been. I went through ethics and was able to mend the relationship with my mother. She actually forgave me for the terrible way I had treated her for so long. I was able to talk to my sisters who hadn’t spoken to me in almost a year and simply be with them. I was able to give them hope they could once again have their sister back. I was able to create the foundation for a relationship with my ex-husband so we could raise our daughter together.

I have found many things at Narconon but the most incredible thing I found was me. I used to be someone who needed approval and love from others and today I am someone who loves themself.

With all of the knowledge I gained from the Narconon program, I will not lose myself again. I realized I was the one keeping myself down and nobody else was doing that to me. Throughout my life I had always been labeled a problem and I finally knew why. It was because of the way I presented myself to others.

Because of the Narconon Program, I am no longer that person. I am now someone who other people are pleased to know. I am someone who loves myself for who I am. I am now someone who is proud of every action and every decision I make. I can see now that the choice to love me is mine and it’s simple.


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